How’d your 2016 garden turn out? Mine produced a dismally small bounty that included about two dozen turnips, 23 green beans, 14 squash, zero cucumbers, zero zucchinis, and zero tomatoes.

Fail.

I mean, come on. Who can’t grow zucchini!?

Ok, maybe I’m being too hard on myself. I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m a terrible gardener. But this has certainly been a disheartening season.

I’m going to break it down in a list, as usual. Oh, I love to make lists! I’m bummed our garden didn’t turn out lush and green, but at least I’m not scratching my head wondering why.

We started the seeds on time and were super-pumped about all the seedlings, but my husband and I disagreed on the amount of sunshine they could take. My husband sat them outside on a sunny day because they were looking a little pale under the grow light in the garage. Fair enough.

But three days later, most of the seedlings shriveled, not having survived such a brutal hardening off.

Losing all our tender plants this early set us back nearly two months on our garden.  Undeterred, we hand-tilled 6″ circles of soil and sowed seeds in the big garden early this summer anyway.

As your realtor always says, “Location, Location, Location!”

Our garden was in an inconvenient location, in my opinion. It’s fenced off at the far end of the property, opposite the end of the property with the shed, WATER ACCESS, & the livestock.

I had to connect THREE hoses just to water the garden, and even then, I had to stand there like some glorious fountain nymph, spraying the water in just the right arc to reach the farthest plants. 

Surely by next season, if we cannot afford soaker hoses, we can create them by punching holes in regular hoses. At the very least, setting up a sprinkler to do the watering would be both more efficient and require less effort.

Some of the seeds had a 1-hour-to-overnight-soaking recommended prior to planting to enhance germination.

Yeah, we did none of that. Why not? We didn’t read directions prior to planting day. I had never soaked seeds before, so why start now? Didn’t really believe it was necessary. Because I know more than whomever is packaging up these seeds? What is wrong with me?

Uh, it hardly rained at all this summer.

I sure see a lot of sad-looking, crispy gardens on my drive to work, so I know I’m not the only one who had a tough season. I’m reminded of that summer in 2002 that it rained about 66 out of 80 summer days and all the gardens were outrageous tropical wonderlands.

I wasn’t 100% committed.

In a three month period, I started a blog, had a major surgery, set up my husband’s website & blog, started a huge (2,500 square foot!) garden, listed a house for sale, dealt with the blow of losing two employees at my full time job (hello?!) and let’s not forget I have a family I like to see every now and again! Ambitious.

So here’s our takeaway… For a successful garden, you need the following:

1. It has to be conveniently located.

2. Follow directions on seed packets for best germination.

3. Protect seedlings from harsh conditions (too much/little sun, too much/little moisture, toddlers).

4. Nature needs to cooperate. Hey, you only have so much influence.

5. You need to commit. Look at your garden every day and provide it with what it needs: sun, water, some old-school Marvin Gaye.

Are we quitting? NEVER. I have finite disappointment, but infinite hope.

For next year’s garden, in addition to creating a better watering system, I’m also going to be looking for a way to get rid of those blasted squashbugs organically.

They are some creepy looking insects, don’t you agree? I imagine them wearing black turtlenecks spouting irreverent things as they pace pompously across my innocent squashes, like that punk in the coffeehouse in Good Will Hunting, who deserves a good throat punch for sure.

The back porch container garden is still hanging in there. We have three strong basil plants that I will harvest for pesto soon. Or maybe I’ll dry it on the dehydrator so the house will smell delicious. Yes.

The swiss chard is about six inches high, but not as thick and lush as I had hoped. What makes it so spindly?

And those mystery vines finally have a fruit: a small luffa sponge.

If I can get that one sponge to full size and dried on the vine, it should produce at least 25 seeds and I can try it again next year without having to purchase seeds again. Bonus: The vine will have produced my first luffa. There I go all ambitious again!

*Update: the 25 seeds I purchased produced one vine, which produced exactly one luffa, which produced 27 seeds for 2017. WIN.*

The hubs started some kale and radishes in the big garden, and some cabbages in the starter pods. Sugar snap peas would be good to start now, too.

How’d your garden grow this summer? Did you plant anything for the fall? Any suggestions?

~Erica